He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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