i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
