did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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