I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
