Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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