i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
