at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well I just put wine in my tea
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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