We're like a lot better than the average bears
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
