and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
