girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
FUCK WHALES
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
