fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
