i need an iv and a liver transplant
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
