I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
