Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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