you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
