I got chris browned last night
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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