My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize
