Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
