well I can't set my house on fire every night
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
