I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
