omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
