i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
