Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
