thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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