wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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