dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I can't put those talents on a resume
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
