if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
