you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
