so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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