I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
