Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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