Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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