you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
