do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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