Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
