Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
