So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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