Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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