I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My vagina is officially offended.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
