Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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