you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
