Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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