it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
