Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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