im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
