youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
