Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize
