you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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