but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I need water and some morals
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
