There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
