Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
