There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
